Friday, June 6, 2014

dear diary 6-6-14

 Hell in a house of "safety"

On 6-5-14 I got my ASS BEATEN I have bruises all over my body; fortunately for me you can barely see them. I was desperate for safety. My own mother was beating me with my drum sticks. Every beat I got was every love was taken away from my mother. Every day that passes by I have no love for my mother.

I cannot be myself anymore, now I’m recognized as "the shame of the family". I have always been gay my whole life. Many people say being gay is a choice, but it’s not. God loves all people and god chose me to love the people who are exactly like me. I as a gay person and I am proud, I may be young, but I know I am.

When I was younger say like 13 years old, I would cry almost every-night. No matter how hard I tried denying it, I knew it was true. I've have always been this way my whole entire life. Thankfully, I grew to accept the person I was. A few of my friends know, but not all of them know. I distance myself from many people.

Recently, I've been smoking marijuana but my mom doesn't know. The only thing she found was a hookah pen. A hookah pen is an object which you can smoke a nicotine substance from, but you can also replace it with water and it will still have the same effect. You cannot get high from it, but for me it’s like an escape from reality.

When I smoke marijuana I’m just by myself reflecting on life, imagining scenarios that might possibly never in my life come true. It’s sad to say that I’m only a 15 year old girl living in an estate like this but trust me one day I will overcome this life and live the life I've always wanted to live. A life that I will love, I will explore the world with my partner, hopefully that partner will soon come to me.

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